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I lied to someone special!

They asked me a direct question and as I raised the wine glass to my lips to buy myself some time and contemplate my response, my Ego and Soul went into debate. This person did not ask me as simple questions, like if I was enjoying the overly dry wine they had brought as a gift for me. Sometimes we lie about how good a friends cooking is, or we talk behind their back about their poor taste in partner when we have told them the opposite and more often than not, we lie about how we truly feel.  Those lies, although still hiding our true selves, might have been acceptable.

However, this question was a little more important than that and one I have been asked before, with less than favourable responses.  I pondered the times when I had told my truth and felt the tension and a dozen reasons to lie begin to build. 

I have a friend who is a liar, but he has a medical condition. I do not!

After this experience, I can confirm that no one lies totally unconsciously.  We all have a debate that goes on in our heads before the words roll off our tongues.  It might only seem a split second, but it is long enough for the dialogue between the Ego and Soul to make it clear that every word is a choice. Just in case you need reminding - both the Ego and Soul love you equally and both only want to you feel safe, loved and protected.  However, they are protecting you from very different things.  The Ego does not want you to feel the pain of the world and tries anything to keep you safe from making choices, taking risks or telling the TRUTH. 

The Soul does not want you to miss out on chances to grow and face the challenges of life that will ultimately send a flood of reward for your bravery and coaxes you to make choices, take risks and tell your TRUTH.

So, with the question posed, the dialogue began:

Ego spoke first, "Lie!" it said

"How will the lie serve you?" Responded Soul

"It will protect me from humiliation or embarrassment, depending on their reaction."

"So you know their reaction?"

"It is not the first time I have found myself having to show my true colours and I know the past reactions." Argued Ego

"So, you are merely ashamed of your uniqueness then? You have no pride in the choices you have made in your life?" asked Soul 

"It did not go too well the last time I told the truth, or have you forgotten the tears and pain I suffered?"

"Are you afraid of pain and tears, even after you can reflect on your life with such pride for who you are today thanks to that very suffering?"

"I cannot risk feeling that pain again. I will not handle another rejection when they walk away from me."

"When?" asked Soul curiously

"Yes, if I tell the truth, they will walk away.  They have in the past." Snapped Ego

Soul loving questioned "If they do respond unfavourably to your truth, are they worthy of knowing you?"

"I am not about to take that risk. I am too afraid of losing them. Besides that, if they walk away it leaves me unhealed.  So, if they do not know about my uniqueness, they will stay, which is all I want right now." Ego signed while speaking

"Do you doubt your ability to heal to such an extent that you would rather lie?" Soul never lost its patient and loving tone.

"If I tell the truth I will never heal. Never!" Ego was getting defensive with the calmness and rationale of Soul and began to push its way to the front of my mind and the tip of my tongue.

Soul gave one more loving attempt to win the battle "You will always heal!  It might not be today, but it will surely come, because you are wise, brave and worthy of everything you dream and desire.  This lie might prevent hurt and protect you from pain, but that is the way of the coward.  The way of the one who does not have enough faith in themselves or another. If you lie, Jodene, you certainly will have no faith in the journey of life."

The debate was good and Soul almost had me swung, until ...

"The truth caused so much pain and it has taken you years to recover. Do you really want to risk it when all you have to do is tell a 'little' lie?"  Whispered Ego 

"No lie is little, grey or insignificant." Said Soul "Tell the truth! Say NO" it echoed from a distance

"Say YES" Said Ego in an overshadowing shout "Say YES and end this vicious cycle of disappointment"

"Be brave and say NO" The faintest voice of Soul spoke

"Do not risk it and say ..."

"YES" tumbled out of my mouth as Ego won the battle and Soul lovingly retreated into silence. 

Would telling the truth have had the negative response I so dreaded? That is why I lied, is it not?  To never know the answer. 

I took the freedom of choice away from someone dear to me because I did not trust that they cared enough for me to respect my own choice and honour my truth.  I looked to the past and did not have enough faith in the process of life or the individuality of this person to think that the response would be any different from the past.  I looked to the future and did not have enough faith in myself to handle the outcome of my truth.  I looked to this person sitting opposite me and threw them into the collective unconscious and assumed they would think the same as the rest.  I looked at my uniqueness as shameful and dared not tell a truth that would stand me apart from the collective. A truth that I have taken years to be proud of and then allowed less than a handful of people to tarnish. I chose rather to strip myself of that pride and turning it into potential humiliation and ultimate abandonment.

I watched a program a few weeks ago with my family and was horrified at the fact that people allowed themselves to be strapped to lie detectors to be asked questions that prompted the truth, in front of their loved ones. All for money!  Has truth become that distant from our realities that we are now being paid to express it?  I did not watch the face of the contestant as they admitted their truths, but rather focused on the person that loved and trusted them and saw the look of sadness, humiliation or deceit fill their eyes.   

In total Ego, I contacted Greg the following day and told him about this hideous series and the cowards who had to be paid for their truth.  We decided weeks ago to write this newsletter on the subject and I had a story planned in my head about how easy it is to tell the truth and that only fear forces a lie.

"Only fear! ONLY FEAR" Had I heard myself?

Fear controls our every thought, our actions and our every relationship.  The fear of abandonment. The fear of failure. The fear of rejection. The fear of humiliation. The fears never end.

If we fear abandonment, we do not have enough self love to trust that another will care for us and love us no matter what our truth is. When we fear failure, we strip ourselves of the drive to fight on through the obstacles and come out a winner at any cost. Fearing rejection means we have limited the world to the handful of people who stand before us with a misunderstanding that someone, somewhere is waiting for that very you and most probably suffering their own rejection while they wait for your union.  The fear of humiliation stems from our lack of faith in ourselves or our beliefs, because, in having the courage to stand true in your beliefs, no one would ever have the power to belittle you.  Chances are, if we always told our truth, even though the journey might be a little harder or the road to healing a little longer - chances are that we would find great, better and more spectacular things.  I am only surmising, because I did not have the courage to tell that truth and will not know until another opportunity to heal through truth comes along.  I will have a much clearer answer for you in the near future though, because this lie has opened the floodgates of honesty and bravery that I intend to explore despite the looming illusions of fear (I hope).

With all the work I have done along my life journey, I am not caught up in an ocean of lies and have quite a reputation of speaking my truth to my family, my students and to each of you as you read these words that fill this page.  I did not, however, think that I would manifest a fear so big that no word of honesty could part my lips in the very month that I had arrogantly smirked at others for not having the courage to tell their truths.  In telling you that I lost all sense of bravery and feared more than I had courage, I revel in my honesty with you.  I am humbled by the realisation that, no matter the years of teaching people to live fearlessly or the personal development seminars I have given on telling yourself the truth in order to manifest, every one of us still hides behind fear of some kind and battles the war between Ego and Soul when rejection, humiliation or abandonment looms.  I am certainly not saying that it is acceptable. I am, however, honestly saying that it is one of the greatest challenges we face as people - and who gives up on a challenge?

Do I regret that I lied to someone dear to me?

"Not at all. It saved me from pain." Shouts my Ego

"Of course I do, it took away an opportunity to heal and grow." Boldly states my Soul

"Well, I got what I wanted from lying as I was spared any kind of pain."

"I might have been spared it anyway if you had not feared your self worth."

"Well I guess I will never know." Chuckles my Ego

"Do I not wish I did know?"questions Soul

"Of course NOT" Yells Ego back to my unconditionally loving Soul

"Whatever" surrenders my Soul and lovingly retreats into silence

"Loser" mocks Ego and winks at Soul leaving me to think that a great battle has been won.

Personal Development Seminar, courses and lectures

Please reserve your space for the seminar by contacting Jodene

One Day Seminar - Thanks to the Universe I'm all 'F 'ed' up

Fearful or Fulfilled?

You are functioning in one of these mindsets, and it's determining your success, happiness and health

Thanks to the Universe I'm all 'F 'ed' up

is a one day seminar that dispels the myths about manifestation and replaces them with choices and courage so you can identify with your fears and turn them into fulfilment, freedom and fun

This seminar will be run from the 15 Woodside Avenue, Sandhurst on Saturday 23 May  from 8:30am to 5:30pm.  The cost of the day is R750 per person and includes lunch and course notes.  Payment secures your place.

Contemplate this ...

One truth you know is that you are alive but that can change ... and so can the truth.

Law of Attraction: Assistance with "Thanks to the Universe I'm all 'F 'ed' up"

Lies Deny Manifestation

It is important to remember that the Universe (remembering you are the Universe) only hears the voice of your highest esteem, be that spoken or unspoken words.  It takes a long time to learn how to hear the voice of the unconscious and that is truly an art to be mastered and works hand in hand with overcoming fear.  It does not, however, take that long to hear the voice of the conscious mind that controls your words. Time is never so fleeting that it does not give us a moment to hear the debate between the Ego and Soul before we speak. 

There is no need to lie - ever! A lie tells the Universe that you do not have faith in the process and that fear is dominating your choices and actions.  Because of this very admission, the Universe does not hear the voice that is trying to shout over the deceit you tell yourself or someone else. 

We lie because we are afraid of the impact the truth will bring, yet that very truth is the compass to our happiness, abundance and joy.  We never realise it until we have passed through the fearful desert of untruth and speak our truth for the first time.  Only then do we realise how the floodgates of manifestation open for us and allow the joys of living to flow. 

The reality, however, is that truth might lead you down a path that you have been unconsciously trying to avoid.  It might dredge up fears you have been avoiding. It might even bring about destruction within relationships or jeopardise a dynamic within your life.  The question you need to ask yourself is - how real is any of this is you have to lie to keep it alive?

Do not fear the outcome as much as you anticipate the healing and growth that will eventually stem from the truth. You cannot, however, do this without having faith in the life journey. 

My advice to you is to focus on trusting in the process of life and your ability to survive anything and then you will slowly allow the lies to make less sense and have less purpose.  

Try this exercise ...

Find a lie ... on that you have told recently. Now find one person that you can tell your truth to.  We all have someone in the world that loves us that unconditionally.

Do not only tell them the lies but also the fears behind your reason for avoiding the truth. Even if it is the ultimate betrayal or deceit and could potentially be very destructive, it is so important for you to understand that you are hiding away from the fear that the truth will bring.

Remember this - NEVER belittle another person's Soul and say that you lied to protect them. You did not lie to protect anyone but yourself.  That is a great place to begin with the truth!

Once you have voiced why you lied, you will realise that you have just spoken the truth. That truth is what the Universe has been waiting to hear and that is what will set the compass to your highest esteem and the life you know you truly wish to manifest.    

I told the truth

Yesterday, while writing the newsletter, my special friend Wendy popped up onto skype (button link) and send me this message:

In Eckart Tolle's book - The Power of Now - he says this ... ' To the Ego, the present moment hardly exists, Only the Past and future are considered important, This total reversal of the truth accounts for the fact that in the ego mode the mind is so dysfunctional - Ego is always concerned with keeping the past alive , because without it - who are you? WOW... this has hit me like a really big universal pan to the head! I thought I would share it!

The synchronicity between my message to you this month and Wendy's message to me is unbelievably important.  Yes, we all know I lied and I truly believed that the Ego had merely needed the lie to protect me from fear.

I did forget, however, that Ego winked at Soul when proclaiming its victory.  Soul must have given Ego a thumbs up in return as they both sat back and waited for me to get the smack on the back of my head from the Universe.

Understand this! Ego will retreat, lovingly, and not force the lies once it knows that you are brave enough to tell the truth.  It wants you to ultimately just feel safe.  That is all the Ego wants - to protect you from the fear you ooze from every pore!! Stop needing the protection and Ego will gladly retreat into silence where you have currently commanded the Soul to reside. 

Both Ego and Soul want what is best for you and I believe they make a great team and are not the enemies we perceive them to be. Just let Soul win for a change! Ego will not mind, I assure you of that.  As a matter of fact, I think it will appreciate the well deserved rest.

So, I told Wendy the truth and why I lied. While sharing this with her I felt the shame begin to surface.  Not the shame that I lied, but the shame of the lie and the realisation that the past truly did scar me that much.  Within minutes I had the most profound realisation and learned something about myself that had been hiding away in the unconscious, shouting so loud that the Universe could not hear my hopes and dreams.

I HATE being vulnerable! I, Jodene, HATE the thought of seeming vulnerable and the truth, it would have made me what I fear most!

Why did you lie?

Greg's view on the world

As South Africans go to the polls to vote in a new government many are wondering what the truth is about the arms deal which has been causing such controversy. Is the soon to be new president really as innocent as he claims to be or is there really fire where there is smoke?

We all have many things in our lives that are a mystery and will never be solved and we feel that had we the answers then things would be different ...we would be able to let it go. But this may not be the case because if we heard the truth we may still not believe it. We may dispute it and continue on our search for the truth; the truth that we hope for and want to hear.

So is it possible to ever discover the truth about your greatest questions? Who are you really? Why are you here? What is your purpose? If you received the answers to these questions in a dream would you believe them anyway ... and so would they really then be the truth?

The truth is what you know it is; nothing more and nothing less. So if you know that you know nothing then that is the truth. Nothing is then the truth. If you are confused as to what your truth is, then confusion is your truth. But there will always be truth even though you may surround yourself with lies - those lies are then the truth.

So, back to my original question about the arms deal and the soon to be South African president: what is your truth? Once you have that then it does not matter what stories you hear. So why not make the truth constructive? Make your truth about South Africa the most beneficial you can make it for you. Make it so brilliant that you influence the way that South Africa thinks and is.

Be your truth.

Happy cow

The new Happy Cow website continues to blossom, fulfilling Happy Cow's mission to make our world a little warmer by spreading some love, joy and positivity as far and wide as she can.  At least 3 new articles are added each week, some of which are brilliant contributions from her readers. The Weekly Moos newsletter summarises the new content each week.

You can view the latest Weekly Moos as well as all the back issues by clicking on the link below.

You can also subscribe to the Weekly Moos e-mail newsletter.

Some recent highlights:-

Pools - an allegorical tale about trust, love and letting go.

Essential Pain? - Happy Cow ponders whether pain is an essential part of life.

Change The World - Happy Cow explains why she doesn't think her daily intention to change the world is too tall an order.

In truth

Jodene & Greg