Hi there

The options for my life and career could have taken me down so many different paths.  Chances are that many of them would have made my journey so much simpler, but that would have been a sacrifice too high to pay.  Instead, I chose to listen to my fears, discover my gifts and share them with the world with one goal in mind: to be the fool that leads the way for countless others in this tarot deck of life.

I consciously chose to be a living example to those who reached out for support along their journeys of manifesting and living.  I promised myself and each of you that I would take the leap first and not sugar coat the countless fears of every step.   I know that no one is ever fully healed, and who would want to be?  With fear, turmoil and obstacles comes the opportunity to live more, feel more and be more.  Archetypically, I fit the perfect mould of a 'teacher' and with that lingers the shadow of holding the knowledge, but never having to face the realities of the lessons; the ballet teacher and never the ballerina....  I spend my life ensuring that I dance with my students through this journey and have never wanted to stand behind the curtains, watching. 

I have fought with myself, with Greg and then myself again trying to convince us both that this topic is far too premature, that I don't understand myself well enough to be sharing this with the world.  That I have not healed myself enough to prepare anyone else for these obstacles.  That I am plainly and simply too afraid to write one word, because we all know what the Universe throws at us the second we tell an inkling on our truth.  Then I realised, that's exactly what shame does.  It blinds us to the bravery, growth and fearlessness that it has taken to be who and where we are today.

The topic was sparked by a Jerry Springer like show where an alcoholic mother's children had been taken from her care and the 'host' was literally lambasting her for being a disgrace to humanity.  His intention: to stop her drinking and make her take responsibility for her children.  Right then I realised my work was cut out for me far more than I had anticipated. 

There is one sure thing I know about addiction - it hides the shame that eats away at a person's soul.  There is another that has been proved to me over and over - no one is without shame.  Some are fortunate enough to manifest their shame into noticeably destructive abuses or patterns: smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, eating, gambling... we know them all.  Others are less noticeable:  control, cleaning, being right, procrastination...  Then there are the ones we don't consider addictions at all: falling in love with the same type of person, never feeling deserving, sabotaging financial stability, getting fired or attracting drama into our lives.  Yes, they are addictions... all of them.

My frustration, as the life achievement facilitator and the constantly healing individual is that I know you cannot heal the addiction without first finding the root of the shame.  You, however, cannot find the shame without stopping the addiction long enough to allow it to bubble to the surface so that you can acknowledge it. 

As the ballet teacher my lesson is this:

Shame usually manifests from childhood experiences when the faith in who you trust is shattered. Sometimes the people who should love you most rip that innocence away by scolding, punishing, hurting, lying or leaving.  Don't look at your parenting or lack thereof as the isolated reasoning either.  Teachers, playground friends, siblings, the bus driver, the bully next door... they all had a role to play.  But the scene is over and the actors are long gone.  Now it's only you and the repetitive punishment you inflict on yourself for believing them. 

Choices are taken from you only for a moment - when the one you trust hurts you.  One heartbeat later choice is the only thing you have.  Within the next heartbeat you have chosen to believe them, bury your uniqueness amongst the lies, carry it as shame... and find an addiction.

The shaming has to stop.  Even if you are unaware of the trigger or have no idea what the addiction is - no more feeling ashamed for anything you are, what you have done, what you have failed at, what you look like.  I don't care what the past has thrown at you... it's over, they lied... yes, they didn't see the magical, perfect, fearless, unique, individual before them.  No matter what they did or said... it wasn't your truth.  It might have been theirs, but it was not yours.

(Don't worry, you are not alone - in the 'Thanks to the Universe' section below we begin tackling this)

As the ballerina, my truth is this:

I believed every word they said.

My siblings who laughed at my skew teeth and bottle thick glasses, my peers who didn't invite me to be in the picture because I wasn't pretty enough, my parents who made me diet to support the weight issues others carried in the family and my ex whose personal shame was never revealed and left me wondering if I was incapable of satisfying anyone. 

Addiction is never to the food or the nicotine - it's about the destruction of the true YOU!  It's about believing the others who didn't have a clue that their shame was damaging them and everyone else around them.

As the audience:

You just see the final production and applaud at the before and after pictures, envious of the talent that swirls and dances before you.  You have forgotten something though.  The ballerina didn't begin with the grace you see on stage.  She stood alone in a room with nothing but her reflection, sweat and tears - falling, tripping, hurting this, twisting that.  She cried in frustration, felt like a failure and thought about giving up many, many times.

So what keeps her dancing?

Her dreams, her individuality and that little glimmer of Soul that manages to shout above the shame and remind her of how perfect she is.  The tattered picture of the ballerina that awoke her imagination when she was just a child.   The same picture that she carries in her purse as a constant reminder - corners torn, crease marks fading the image.

It took all the courage I have to show you what I allowed my shame to do to me.  It is also taking all my courage to tell you that my shame was born by my family who carries issues of body and appearance around like a plague.  It still continues in our dynamic today, with stories so shaming that I wouldn't know which one to tell you. 

Sadly, and so completely unbeknown to my parents and siblings, that is not the way to love someone.  Not in my eyes anyway. 

Love is so unconditional that it transcends the physical, the emotional, someone's intelligence or dreams. It allows everyone to find their uniqueness and individuality in this world.  It is just so misunderstood that the people who love us perceive our world through their eyes and shame us by protecting us from the one thing our Soul craves - our Uniqueness.

I know it's scary to stand behind the curtain and stare into the crowd that is expecting a performance more spectacular and unique than any they have seen before.  Especially if you were ever told you would not be the most spectacular dancer.  But you will have practised and fine tuned your performance before the curtain rises and as you dance and twirl through your life ...shamelessly... the world will revel in your uniqueness and the addictions will have no place.    

Personal Development Seminars, courses and lectures

Understanding Addiction

Greg and I will be hosting an evening on Monday 1st September at his home in Orange Grove.  We will tackle the fear, misconceptions and controversial tactics the collective unconscious holds around this completely misunderstood form of self distractions. 

If you or anyone you know is battling with either an obvious addiction or feels as though they cannot overcome certain repetitive patterns, then we strongly suggest this evening.

It will commence at 7pm at a cost of R250 per person.  If you bring a friend, you will pay R200 each.

Please contact us if you are far away and have any questions that might help anyone else.

To book please contact Jodene via email or call her on 0741Jodene

Contemplate this...

Your addiction and shame are hiding the very thing that makes you unique in this world

Law of Attraction: Assistance with "Thanks to the Universe I'm all 'F'ed up"

On Addiction and Shame
Shame hides in a dark place where not even you can find it and only begins to surface when you are presented with an opportunity to feel special, unique or complete in this world.  As your Soul awakens to the courage and excitement of discovering your uniqueness, every wound you have ever carried surfaces to protect you from further hurt.

But one day something extraordinary happens.  Something or someone arrives, unexpectedly; free of any tarnished perception you may have of yourself.  This very thing holds a piece of you and waits in anticipation for you to know you deserve it, with all your heart and all your soul.  At that point you have two choices: pull the shame over your eyes and bury yourself into your addictions or embrace the gift that has been presented to you and fight like mad to know you deserve it.  Even if it's so out of your reach you might have to walk through deserts, swim through treacherous waters and shed blood, sweat and tears.   No amount of shame or numbing addiction can win the battle against your uniqueness and ultimately your truth.

Try this exercise for a few weeks...

It's in front of you already - this thing (person, opportunity, dream) that knows you as Soul and beyond your shameful self portrait.  What is it?  Go find it...  for you.  Open your eyes to the individual, magical and perfect person that you are.  It's the first step to living.

To everyone who is dealing with an addict please know that only loving them unconditionally and seeing the addictions as the absolute petrifaction of their uniqueness is the key to healing.  No amount of threatening, shaming or begging is going to shift a thing.  You can do... ask them what they dreamed of as a child.  Ask them who they believed in their innocent years.  If they don't know, that's ok too... just tell them you love them completely as they are.  Tell them to share their innermost fears of being unique with you.  Tell them you have the same fears... AND ARE AN ADDICT TOO!!!!  

Our little corner

We didn't know this little corner of the site would mean so much to us and certainly didn't know the impact it would have on our lives.  This month we have shared our sand castle experience and the first of many songs that helped us find our place in this world.  Go check it out and then share your feelings with us and anyone else who needs you on the Forum.

Greg's View on the World

Addiction is a phenomenon that affects the majority of us. There are societies, support groups, lectures and rehab centres around the world to help with these addictions. And yet the addictions don't go away. How often do we hear: "I didn't smoke for years and then, without warning, I started again"... The source of the addiction is buried deep inside; in a place we have created for ourselves, far out of everyone's sight, even our own. A place we have created because we cannot stand to see it. A place we have created because we don't want it to exist. What we are hiding is shame.

In About Greg I give you insight into one of the elements of shame I created for myself and so I was very excited to read an article this week where George Michael admitted something very big and brave to himself and the world about getting arrested for cruising in a Los Angeles public toilet in 1998, which led to him being outed by the media.

In an interview on Good Morning America the star said that "It was a very eventful and bizarrely dark period for me that I thought was going to go on forever. It was a huge relief and it took me about a year to admit to myself that I had done it, deliberately." He went on to add, "The truth is, cruising has gone on for as long as there have been men trying to hide their sexuality."

The key to breaking the hold of shame is exposing it to the world, once we have discovered it for ourselves. This helps us realise that it is something that we have created entirely for ourselves based on nothing but our own fears, which also only exist in our paradigm. Few others may even relate to or understand our shame. This is what continues the cycle: others shame us for having carried the shame in the first place. Therefore, we must not allow ourselves to perpetuate the cycle but to see the shame for what it is: a figment of our imagination.

My good friend Belinda and I are working on a tool to assist in uncovering elusive shame by looking at its manifestation in the physical body. However you can start your journey by identifying your addiction (and it may not be as obvious as alcohol, drugs or smoking). Less obvious addictions include being nice to others, lying and seeking the love of others. What lies beneath the addiction is an important and exciting journey of self-discovery that will open up a life you didn't even know was there. Scary? Sure. Worth it? Oh yeah!

Little web glitch...

In the first few days of the website going live, the newsletter application was not working correctly and anyone who subscribed did not register.  If you made anyone aware of the site, could you please check that they were sent a return link to the site via email.  In addition, please ensure that they ticked the box on the right of the form in order to receive the monthly newsletters. If not, it did not register and they would need to sign up again on the newsletter page.

A very special thanks...

Your response to the website has been overwhelming and we are so inspired by the feedback and kind words you have shared with us.  Everyone needs only one person in the world to believe in them and we are beyond blessed to have each and every one of you.

If you are concerned that you don't have that very person ...look no further... we believe in you!!

See you backstage... shamelessly...

Jodene & Greg