Hi there 

I’m writing this month’s newsletter feeling very under the weather and nursing a nasty chest infection that has had me coughing and wheezing for almost a week. It keeps me up at night and leaves me exhausted and drained during the day. It hasn’t attacked my head or my nose but instead has totally isolated itself in the cavity of my chest. Blatantly, sickness has engulfed my heart.

I am a firm believer that we are only susceptible to illness or injury when the energy field around a specific area is compromised due to emotional or mental imbalance. It does not always have to be negative though and sometimes feeling unhealthy can be a celebration of realisations and facing fears.

Mine did not feel much like a celebration, to be honest, but more like a cry out for some form of acknowledgement about my self perception. I don’t mind being sick and always use my time to truly nurture my body and listen to messages it is sending me. I rest as much as I can, make sure I’m well nourished and spend time with me; listening to myself. 

Alright, so I panicked a little after the tenth person told me how severe the flu was and that people were dying from it and ended up doing a Google search on the symptoms I should look out for. In my search I stumbled across a site that listed the most common diseases in the world. The commonality was frightening, maybe not to the naked eye, but to someone who understands energy and more specifically the chakra systems of the body.

The facts: heart disease, breast cancer, HIV/AIDS, pneumonia and lung cancer are among the top most common killers in the world.  All of this was being discovered while trying to settle my curiosity as to the swine flu epidemic and whether my correlating symptoms should be cause for concern.  Although I had none of the symptoms, it did place in my palm the final piece of the puzzle: swine flu attacks the immune systems as does HIV/AIDS. 

Ironically, the energy field in the body that controls the immune system is none other than the heart.

Right, so my heart was trying to tell me something.

The past month, now that I think about it, has been filled with issues of the heart. 

My heart sang when I finished my novel and gave it to my three dearest friends to read. I ached when I made decisions about my longstanding businesses. I fluttered when I contemplated a potential relationship and ripped a little when we were not meant to be. It beat a little faster when my landlord gave me no option but to move and I was clueless as to where I would live. It pounded a lot when I realised that amidst it all I had begun the countdown to an overseas trip that Greg and I have dreamed of sharing as best friends. My heart cried out when I realised that my travels coincided with the anniversary of my father’s passing, an operation my mother is having, my sister’s birthday and a religious holiday. There were days when it beat steady as I outlined new business plans and others when I felt as though it would stop at the fear of my creative juices eventually running dry.  

Yet, all of these phantom rhythms never managed to distract it from the true melody it plays in my chest. A constant tune that pumps through my body and beats away while I live my life.    

It did not take me long to assume that my heart had merely asked for some time out from all the goings on in my life. By day five, I began to realised that it might not have been as simple as that. As the Universe always does, the synchronicities of my conversations with people and the events of my limited contact with the outside world, gave me a much great gift:

Innocence! 

Greg had his own realisations of this and we shared much of the impact it was making on his life. My contribution was pride in his awareness, without thinking he and I had the same lessons to learn. 

Innocence!

A dear friend of mine moved far away and our main correspondence is now via Skype. What better time to catch up than when I’m lying in bed with all the time in the world to chat. What is the main story she has to share with me? A real life scene from one of the greatest romantic comedies ever – Love Actually. By day three of a tale about catching glimpses in the passageway, stumbling over the simplest hello and literally crashing into each other in the hallway, I had to admit a truth to myself. I felt envy at the pure innocence and free spirited energy in which my friend was dealing with the flittering of her heart.

Innocence!

That best describes the energy of a child and within a few years of being exposed to the world most of us have lost the ability to see life through innocent eyes. It almost speaks of naivety in the context we use it and label someone who seemed to know no better. Innocent, as opposed to the guilty party, is yet another understanding.

Once again, the great teacher Osho puts it into the context with which my eyes were opened and my heart could finally be heard:    

“You are just like an onion, layers upon layers, but if you peel the onion, soon you will find fresher layers inside. Go on deeper and you find more and more, fresher layers. The same is true about man: if you go deep into him you will always find the innocent child…And to contact that innocent child is therapeutic.”

I write with the constant reminder that getting published is a huge challenge. I tackle my business challenges knowing that we are in economic crisis. I have planned for my holiday with the words ‘tight budget’ in the forefront of my mind. I am more afraid of being hurt by commitment than wanting to be committed and I am moving my life with uncertainty as to whether I will be happy leaving a place I really love. However, I pride myself in having faith that all will work out in the end and that life is exactly as it should be.  

That is like having all the right ingredients but no oven to bake it in.

On the Friday afternoon that I first began to feel my chest tighten, I was lying on my mother’s bed with my sister when her phone rang. It was my nephew who was wondering if a friend might come over to play. My sister was adamant that it was out of the question and I lay there laughing at the desperation her son had in his voice. We worry about whether our debts will be paid on time, if we can sustain the roof over our heads, if the person we love is worthy of our trust – and here a little boy is only worried that he might miss out a moment of fun. My sister reasoned about dinner time, traffic, the late hour and all the obstacles, we as adults, put in the way. The more she debated, the less convincing her concerns began to sound and in the end even I was nudging and telling her to just let them play. With a loving huff she surrendered and life naturally took care of itself. Dinner was on the table on time, the friend was back with his parents without any hitches, neither time nor traffic or any of the adult concerns were even acknowledged to the innocent Souls who were focused on the real reason why we are alive – to have fun!

Allowing the innocence to seep through our daily lives is to surrender to the child within and open our hearts to faith in this magical journey of life. We are all children on a big adventure, sailing the opens seas and looking out for Captain Hook, the giant whale or the stealth submarine. You will never see a child cower away from the chance to fight the bad guy, search for the hidden treasures or solve the puzzle. When the building blocks crash to the ground they laugh and when rain stops them from playing outside they turn their bedrooms into forts. Nothing stops them from having fun and no obstacle stands between them and the innocence with which they face the world.

We all have that child within us and once again I would like to quote Osho:

“The child never dies…nothing ever dies. The child is there, always is there, wrapped by other experiences…Wrapped by adolescence, then by youth, then by middle age, then by old age…but the child is always there.”

I looked at life today and toyed with the innocence of each situation I find myself in: 

Yay, I get to find a new home to live in. Woo-hoo, I’m going on a big adventure with my very best friend and time, money or responsibility is just as much fun. My mommy’s getting her sore foot fixed and then we can do all the fun stuff without her having to be sore anymore. My business partner and I are hopping and skipping into undiscovered territory all laced with change and new beginning. And a super duper whoop whoop goes out to all the fun people I’m gonna meet along the way as I put my heart out to the world and find someone to share it with! Do I hear a Yippee?

I have held the ingredients of life for so long and move closer to realising my dreams daily. With each challenge I awaken more to the understanding of life and with every obstacle I amaze myself at the bravery with which I live. Yet, of all the realisations I have had, this feels like the most profound of them all.

I have had the ingredients for so long and now I have the perfect oven with the exact temperature, to watch my life rise into the cupcakes of happiness, abundance, love, joy, prosperity and success. 

Finally – I have innocence.