Hi there 

When my book is published and you read the note of thanks, it will say:

“ ... and a special thanks goes to my best friend and ‘person’, Greg Arthur, who refused to read this book until it was complete, even though I lacked confidence in writing and would have found comfort in his reassurance during my darkest times and most petrifying moments.”

The tactics Jodene has used to manipulate the situation have ranged from desperate pleading to angered insult, yet my answer is always the same.  I will not read one word of her manuscript until it is ready for its first edit. Not for me, but for her.  Why? Because as her ‘person’, I know the very reason why she needs me to read the sprinklings of chapters that she’s unsure of and the in-depth plot that she doubt.  

Greg does the same when I ask him if I look good in what I’m wearing, if the picture taken of me is ok for public view, what I should say in the dreaded conversation or if it’s worth giving the man who hurt me a fourth time another chance. 

If you ask him, he’ll tell you that I do exactly the same to him.  We don’t play into each other’s lack of esteem, we will not rescue the other, say how to handle a situation or person and we certainly won’t be the clichéd individuals that swear to take the bullet so our friend feels not pain or hurt.  

That’s not ‘the’ friendship.  That’s ‘a’ friendship.  The person who you call when you need to hear how great you are and how terrible your partner, sibling, boss or parents are.  The one who says ‘yes’ because they know you need to hear it.  The one who says they know you, so they give you advice on how to handle your relationships and career, what suits you best and what it will take to be happy.  The one who thinks your definition of happiness is anything near theirs.

Those friendships are valuable, of course they are, but they are not the one that holds the key to your own journey of self discovery.  They are NOT the one that optimises intimacy and therefore pushes you boundaries and awakens your Soul.  They are not the ones who ever fear losing your by telling you what you don’t want to hear.

Greg is my ‘person’, even though we each have indestructible and timelessly beautiful friendships that have spanned more years than our time.   We share our most intimate of thoughts, hopes and fears.  We know NOT to turn to each other if we need to wallow in our misery and avoid the harsh realities of our choices.  We have a million opportunities to say “I told you so” – but never can, because we have no understanding of what is good for the other or not.

You are always with your equal.  The statement is true of all relationships from business to family and most importantly to the relationships where intimacy and truth are vital.  

There is nothing Greg and I hide from each other, no fears or aspirations.  Yet, there is nothing we understand of each other either. That’s what defines us.  That’s what should define the one person who holds a mirror in front of you to show you who you truly are and who you ultimately can be.  That mirror doesn’t pass opinion because that would be a window, that mirror doesn’t protect or defend you, because that would be a wall.  That person is unwavering before you and shines pure and unconditional love onto you so that you can see your own reflection.

When you truly understand how to travel your journey of life fearlessly and know the truth to staying on your own path, while walking side by side with another, then you have mastered the art of relationships.

Jodene and I chose to talk about friendships and shared journeys on a day when, once again, our paths bought about a similar situation and an obviously opposite life lesson.

Both relationship issues, both people we care very dearly for, both disrespected by the other person, both heartbroken – I had to end my relationship and she had to mend her.

Why?  

Because usually I stay too long and she leaves too soon. Because the whole point of any relationship is not to do what you would always do, but to push the boundaries of the actions you are afraid to take.   

Had Greg chosen to stay or I walked away, both choices would have been made free of external influence, even from a person as vital to our lives as each other. That’s more important than making the right choice ... making a choice at all! Making your own choice! 

You know this about perception – that you will never have the ability to see or understand the world though someone else ... even if you stand in the exact spot they are in ... why?  Because to get to that spot, they’d have to move out the way, even an inch, and change that perception all over again.  

Jodene and I think in absolute tandem about countless topics, yet our own understanding of everything we agree upon is undefined in the other person’s paradigm.      

Greg didn’t stay and I didn’t leave.  He knew it was best for me to follow this one through, I knew it was so healing for him to let this one go.  He never advised me to stick it out, I never suggested that he walk away.  We were there for each other all along though, both seeing the repetitive patterns the other makes, both having enough love for each other NOT to point out the ‘obvious’.  

Listening, questioning, prodding, nudging, smiling, loving – but never interfering. 

We all see the mistakes the people we love make and we so desperately want to rescue them from hurt and point out the obvious.  We know, in our perceptions, what would be the best advice for them – and on many occasions, we are right.  But the reality of having a healthy and true relationship is knowing that, no matter the situation, seeing another person through your their eyes is no relationship at all.   

         

Upcoming seminars, courses and lectures

Please reserve your space for the seminar by contacting me

One Day Seminar – Thanks to the Universe I’m all “F ‘ed” up

"Thanks to the Universe I'm all ‘F' ed’ up" is a seminar designed as both an empowerment tool and insight into a different perspective on happiness and manifestation. 

It focuses on the importance of choice and guides you into the mastery of fearlessness, while urging you to never give up on yourself.

Great tools including The Secret or the Power of Now and world renowned diets such as Weigh-less or self help books like Healing Without Freud or Prozac can work for anyone who reads them.    Chances are they are working already.  This empowering seminar assists in making the law of attraction, and much needed lifestyle changes, accessible and real.

This seminar will be run from the 15 Woodside Avenue, Sandhurst on Saturday 24 January  from 9:30am to 4:30pm.  The cost of the day is R750 per person and includes lunch and course notes.  Payment secures your place. 

 

Special offer

A R300 gift voucher to spoil yourself @ Shinzou Wellbeing Centre when you book for the seminar.  Check out the fabulous treatments www.shinzou.co.za 

If you are out of town and refer a friend your voucher stands for when you visit.

 

Contemplate this …

The one who sees the stumbling block up ahead and leaves you to trip over it ... call that one friend

 

Assistance with “Thanks to the Universe I’m all “F ‘ed” up

On shared journeys 

It is very easy to misunderstand the foundation of a healthy relationship with another individual, especially when so blinded by the collective unconscious.  As long as you stand within the mindset of ‘taking a bullet for another’, you are living a lie about the love you have for that person.  The need to protect others from pain, disappointment and hurt is denying them the very fundamentals of the gift of life.  

We all walk a path that twists and turns and leads us to a place unimaginable in both happiness and sorrow.  No one knows where that road leads, yet one thing that is certain is that it takes you to where you need to be ... unless ... you have stepped off your path and walk on some else’s.  Every person’s biggest fear is that of rejection and the collective protection has become the ease with which we abandon our own paths.  To make it worse, the people who claim to love us most, welcome us onto theirs with open arms.  

Why?

Abandonment ... that’s why.  We think a failed relationship is a reflection of how unhealed we are.  We think time gives us the reason to hang on. We think compromise and sacrifice are worlds apart.  We think we weren’t sure of what we wanted till we met them – and gave up what we dreamed of.  We think our dreams are less important than our reality – OUR DREAMS ARE OUR REALITY!

Those very dreams are etched into your path and are waiting to be found.  You can’t do that if you are not on it.  

Our biggest fear is losing those we think we cannot live without, but in that very statement, there is something unhealthy about the relationship. That is the very thing that will take you off your path.  The real one’s you know you will not lose.

HOWEVER – there are very true, real and beautiful relationships waiting for you to awaken.  Those people may be walking alongside you already.  You only need look to your side and they will be there.  You might not have noticed the value of them because they never seem to step onto your path, instead, they walk beside you, believing enough that there is no reason why you should make an unexpected turn and deviate away from them.  

Find them ... ‘your person’ ... who sees the bump in your road, but walks silently by your side and does not pick you up, for even a moment, to walk on their path ... even to spare you the pain.  And certainly does not get off their own path to pick you up when you fall.  You will stand, they know that, and then you will keep walking side by side ... a little closer ... yet still on your very own path.       

 

Try this exercise for a few weeks …

Take note of the interactions you have with the individuals you have relationships with.  See how much rescuing, advice, council and reassurance you need from them.  Then stop – just for one week – and don’t expect that of them.  Don’t let them allow you onto their path as much as you beg.  You’ll hate it at first, that we assure you.  But then, one day, you will wake up with such a yearning to talk to that one person who pushes your boundaries, knows your fears and your dreams and kneels down beside you as you lick your wounds.  The very wounds they saw you inflict on yourself, yet stood by and watched, having enough faith in you to not need to rescue you at all.  

Look for them ... everyone is blessed with that ‘person’ ... everyone!

 

All you have to do is ask

Just have to tell you... awesome newsletter, and so appropriate to my life at the moment... wow you guys are just amazing, keep doing what you doing!

One thing I wanna ask you, I wasn’t sure on exactly what the task for the week is... how do you just be and what should the 'sentence' we should say refer to? Is it a sort of manifestation of what we want??

Last month’s exercise bought up a question that definitely needs clarification.  The problem is that the question posed is the most difficult one ever solved – “How do you just be?”.  This is what every philosopher, guru and master is trying to explain to the world.

I’m saying, don’t try be.  That will come in time, with the natural progression of self realisation and respect.  

All you need to do is begin to form a personal relationship with yourself.  Take time to get to know yourself.  This comes from asking one vital question – “I want this”.  It can only become an affirmation once you are sure that it is truly what you want.  So do this exercise again, by asking yourself if you truly want everything that you have and that you do.  

I don’t know about you, but I’ve discovered most of what I want in life by going through an experience that has shown me what I don’t want.  We don’t affirm in the negative though, so ask yourself if you want what you have and then begin affirming what you know you want.  

 

Our wish for you

Be kind to yourself.  

Rest – even if it’s only for a day. The key is not in the time or manner, but in the surrender to the truth that you need it.

Reflect back on the year with pride and accomplishment, even if it’s for the smallest thing.

Enjoy the food that comes along with precious moments and festive cheer.  Carrying it is the only thing that makes it stick to you.

Give the gifts that can’t be bought – you know what they are

Don’t make new year’s resolutions – they are filled with regret.  Pride yourself in the potential that you have for the year ahead.

Step out of the collective unconscious for a moment and know that a new calendar date does not wipe the slate clean, any day of the year will do.  Then step back into that very unconscious and wish your neighbour a very happy, prosperous and healthy new year. 

  

Love having you alongside our paths 

Jodene & Greg